The coworker seems to expect a level of accommodation that you should really only expect from someone youre cohabiting with. Id be willing to use a different scent on works days if one really bothered someone, but not to give it up completely. But that doesnt seem to be what the OP is dealing with just now, so she may need to change from the reasonable adult playbook to the dealing with a bully playbook. Feel free to be comfortable with that fact. People cant go through life expecting to never have to encounter faint scents. When Im exposed to an offending odor (man-made or natural) even if it smells pretty to me, it can trigger a migraine. Misophonia is a neurophysiological disorder in which sufferers face an aversive reaction to otherwise normal sounds and (visual) stimuli. Outside of behavioural therapy, I dont know how this could be fixed other than moving the coworkers desk away from the LWs. I definitely see making a reasonable effort to make sure you are not having a negative impact on the people in your work space. Im going to ask that we stop with those suggestions now and instead focus on how she should deal with the coworker, which I think will be more helpful to her. Those are lengths to which I am totally unwilling to go to accommodate someone at work and I feel are things that no one has the right to ask of a coworker. The jerkness indicator that leaps out at me is that she is still fixated on patchouli, which is a pretty distinctive smell. It's much like giving small children a new toy to play. I bet the letter writer burns incense, which is pervasive and will stick to clothing. It's perhaps the most direct sexual display a man can make towards a woman. It was actually a specific experiment testing chemotherapy-related food aversions. Time. The coworkers rudeness is the problem. If this were me, I would tell coworker Ive done what I can and she can take it to the boss or HR if she feels more should be done. I would switch laundry detergent, perfume, etc. For those who like it and for whom it is normal it is fine. I recommend that you febreeze everything in your office if you have carpet or upholstery. Its awful. If that doesn't do it, HR or headphones. Oh, Jager I cant be near it. I love indie oil type perfumes and patchouli is not a note I typically wear (although I know very well what it smells like). Make a joke about you. I can tell you, its really hard for me not to come across as rude. Office politics are a tricky business. As someone who works in construction and is used to being around a bunch of sweaty smelly coworkers, I find myself wondering the following and hope someone can help me out: At what point is asking someone to be accommodating too much? Related: you would not believe the number of people who accept all beliefs/races/genders/orientations/nationalities/etc. Hopefully shell decide its too embarrassing to continue on with her charade if there are no more items left for her to be offended by. In those cases, if I have to eat around those people, I spend a LOT of time getting up to use the bathroom, flitting around the room to tidy/wash dishes, and otherwise avoiding and noise-covering as covertly as possible until it ends.). I like the idea to get a blunt friend to do the sniff test, but basically I think the ideas about limiting physical contact are the best way to go at this point; Im a little afraid of sending the OP down a rabbit hole of onerous scent minimization that may not solve the problem. Im a grown-up, so I wouldnt do that, but oh, Lord, would I want to. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Hes little and sneaks off and pees in low-traffic corners so its easy to miss. Also changing all your hygiene products is actually pretty freaking arduous for a lot of people. Its too bad because it is important not to question people about things like allergies, but as soon as somebody realizes nobodys allowed to do so..also I think its worse with smells because telling somebody they smell is a very personal, emotional thing So if someone realizes they can get at someone like that, while covering it up with oh, my allergies! then its going to happen. I agree the coworker is being a jerk and is completely out of line with how she is handling this, but it could also be this particular scent and not all scents. Problem is, no one around you sees the flames or senses the heat, so they have no sense of urgency to bolt for the doors. I commented below, but it seems to me that your coworker just doesnt like your scent. If you were my office mate, LW, and told me youd done all of this, Id be thanking you, even if I was still being triggered. ), move her desk, something. Taking credit for your ideas. The fastest, simplest and quietest way to communicate is through a chat tool, however, you've got to set some expectations around how it's used. Most wearers would recognize such disgust like the OP did and stop wearing it but I can see others loving it so much that they would not give it up. Ive been good so far, though. She is forever grunting, snorting and huffing and puffing, not to mention wheezing and coughing. It helps keep dye from washing out of fabric, but it can also set a stain instead of removing it. This. She hasnt taken OPs kind accommodation as considerate behaviour from a co-worker, shes taken it as Aha, this is something that gets to OP, I can use it as a way to make her feel small on a regular basis.. Once that boundary is understood, you can use that to have a productive discussion with the coworker. I sometimes light incense in my home, and if I light it in my bedroom I can sometimes smell it on my clothes later because of proximity to my closet when it burns. Ill take your share of cheese, please! If you have a fabric covered chair for instance, the fabric might have absorbed some patchouli prior to this incident. When he started doing it I did ask him to go and blow his nose and he said why . Press J to jump to the feed. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. You can tell her, You said the smell was on my purse and now I have a new purse, so I dont think youre being fair. Secondly, this smell process should embarrass her enough to put a lid on the sniffing and the comments. But it does have so many negative associations and smells so strongly to people that I wouldnt wear it to work anyway. lol Im inclined to think shes just a jerk. Since then Ive tried to find ways to compensate for it without putting it off on people around me. If they were prevented from being able to smell, many many of them had reactions to the smell when they thought it was there and it wasnt and did not react when it was there but they didnt know. I cant even look at kale now, let alone consume it. take a deep breath (through your mouth): The cause of chronic sniffling is Im sure she thinks that the scent is gone I have no doubt about her sincerity and Im also pretty sure Id be able to tell on the Monday if shed worn patchouli that weekend. If your coworker continues the comments after these conversations, then at that point, say this: Clearly this isnt something we can resolve on our own. Peachie, you gave it away a little when you said your mother eats with her mouth open. That said, I havent seen a lot of patchouli-scented hair products (I mean, maybe 1-2 from the natural shampoo section? Either way, the coworker needs to take control of her sensitivity instead of expecting her coworkers to bend over backwards for her. I do agree your coworker is being rude. She sounds truly awful. What It Means: A sneaking nose touch is a hidden way someone might touch their nose. Is it really noticeable? The next time she asks for help that you haven't been assigned to provide her, make the conversation about you following your boss's direction. Im not trying to like, lecture you, but I really think more people should be made aware of just HOW BAD Febreeze is. But it also brings up the question of why the coworker all of a sudden has fragrance sensitivities if last month was the first time it was brought up. Sowhat the OP might consider doing is going to her boss (assuming the boss is reasonable) and saying something like, Ive tried very hard to work with Coworker regarding her scent sensitivity. Im incredibly sensitive to both man-made and natural fragrances. Call Him on It. Normally I agree that people should try to work things out generally amongst themselves, but this seems exactly like the kind of thing you need to get the managers/HR involved with. Maybe its made a home in her subcutaneous fat. Would you mind linking to some of that research? Which to me goes to the idea that at some point the sensitive person just needs adaptive equipment. I also have scent sensitivities (Ive had to ask a coworker to sit further away from me because the smell we never figured out which product it was made me sick to my stomach) and I would totally appreciate everything youve done. It meant Christmas shopping really sucked for her because that is such a common smell that time of year and shed get migraines walking into stores that smelled like that. Decrease the authority you have in the workplace, over a team or within a project group. The scent fades on me the way it is blended to, but when I lent it to a friend to wear, she said she could smell the other scents more strongly for a lot longer. Ive known people like this who take kindness and consideration as a weakness and will exploit it. 1 They always take a lunch break with you. I stopped wearing everything and she says its me when the men in the office wear cologne and shave. But yeah, some smells cling to clothes through the laundry. But I agree that patchouli is one.of.those.smells. Full stop. Some apple scent, maybe. I had a coworker who happened to have her desk right below one of the (old) building's AC vents, and she would sniffle / cough at least several times every single hour. Complaints may be about your work performance or personality. If thats the case, theres nothing LW can do. I do have patchouli-scented perfumes, but nothing like body wash, incense or diffusers. I once did a volunteer gig in a bingo hall this was before tobacco regulations were tightened in public locations and afterwards I could smell the smoke until I washed my sneakers, my purse (fabric, luckily), and my coat and scarf. 1. He's had been a cocaine user. Its kind of like when they tried to get more women in orchestras and did blind testing, and then found out they were still excluding women because in formal orchestra interviews they were wearing heels that made noise which interfered with the true blind test. The scent I was wearing the day she complained wasnt even actually patchouli, although I admit that I have loved the smell of patchouli since my ill-advised goth phase in high school. Im mentally picturing the co-worker as more of a powersuits and pantyhose type. Though thats from a genetic immune disorder, not a sensitivity. Id be very hungry around someone who smelled like cookies, but its not an unpleasant scent at all! I dont think this is a race thing. and was thinking well, that might be awkward enough to end the whole thing and then you said exactly that :). I think the OP has already gone above and beyond, but it wouldnt be a bad idea to dot the remaining is and cross the remaining ts (air fresheners at home, in public restrooms, or in the car, dryer sheets, etc. I have to agree . Anyway, I could definitely see it clinging to clothes from air fresheners/oils or any unwashed items and handbags. Mom is a total grown up hippie though. incense? But so what. I am 30 years old and I have been told that I sniff constently in my sleep. I think coworker, at this point, enjoys seeing OP fly into a panic about stinking so shes keeping up the Ooh, you stink! commentary. Dont wear it to work, fine. 16 12 12 comments Best Add a Comment MassiveExplosion 5 yr. ago I got to Let her sniff your jacket or your bag for example. . Ask your manager to move your desk if the faint scent of a lotion used the night before bothers you that much. There are a lot of people who are sensitive to perfumes but dont act like jerks. My female coworker puts on a lot of perfume. They will tackle the situation without compromising your request. But wayward snacks and toys arent the only things that can block nasal passages. My sniffing started about 4 years ago. If it is just a personal preference to what she is smelling you do not need to be so accommodating. I have to use unscented shampoo due to a skin allergy. Right; this is where the psychology of scent gets complicated, because everything and everybody has a scent, and everything and everybody is made of chemicals. Well, rose and lime and the mens Eau des Baux are good, their neroli scent is like death. I smell :(. Decisions are made. People tend not to. You did the decent thing by switching up your products when she first complained, and if shes still having a reaction to something, she needs to explore other potential sources (asking for your help in a respectful way if needed). The scent I was wearing suddenly started being unbearable right after I received a promotion. I may be off base, but if the OP was using an oil type product, and depending on where she used it, like on wrists or forearms, could it be lingering on the desk or office chair? There is at least one in every office. I wish this was more helpful to the OP. I agree that it seems that this person is harassing or bullying her. Not just no, but hell no. I have some sympathy for people with asthma, etc, but I have to admit not as much as others on the board. If the co-worker keeps complaining, Id see if maybe someone else in the office can do a smell check to see if anyone else notices and can back you up if theres a complaint that day. Ugh, the patchouli/indie oil people I know best are white, so that didnt even occur to me, but it maybe should have. And I was laughed at. I only hope people can try to understand and have some compassion for people like us. Its like once I hear a sound that bothers me, I can no longer filter it out. That all said, if someone really has to try hard to smell things, then I fail to see how those scents could be so potent as to warrant the need to remove them. I posted this under Rhinitis because it's the closest thing I've found so far. I love scented candles and I burn them regularly at home. I really hope thats not it. One of the things that sets me off at first is if I can taste the scent, that chemical taste in the back of my throat is an instant major asthma attack. Time to go on the offensive here. Maybe your coworker is just rude, but if blowing my nose would fix the problem, I would do it. This might be a long shot, particularly since it really just seems like your coworker is being a jerk. that are much more reasonable than making an entire office change routines and buy completely new products. Luckily for the me vs. scent sensitivity problem a lot of added fragrances give me issues as well so generally you cannot smell any of my stuff unless youre WAY up in my personal space. Now that Im older, Im having issues with strong floral scents. It seems like you are already doing everything it is reasonable to ask a person to do (and possibly more). But seriously? The best stories to me, are the ones when the odor in the shoes is the worst! Oh man every time I see someone on here who has sniffling as a trigger I feel a little guilty. What can I say, I both went through a goth phase in high school AND lived in San Francisco for several years! I once tried to get a stain out for her which required washing and drying the same garment 4 times in a row.and yep, perfume was still there, almost as strong as before. The runny nose, persistent stuffiness, and postnasal drip of the sniffles are often self-diagnosed as a cold. The main issue I have with this response is that its putting the onus on the LW to handle the issue, and thats just not fair. You could try the old Smellers the feller line. Listed as smelling like sky and linen. Whenever I'm within 20 metres of a sniffer, every sniff makes my whole body . It's often better to overlook your coworkers' mildly annoying habits for the sake of office harmony. I love patchouli. Because you sniffle 24/7 and you dont ever even try to blow your fucking nose.. (Sometimes I feel like a hypochondriac, since I have so many medical conditions, but I swear Im not! Sorry, but no. Or maybe its a combination of things that clashes to make a weird scent, like the OPs lemon body wash combined with the office bathroom air freshener. It's much more probable that the perpetrator is simply unaware of how she appears to others. It could also be that OP is very crunchy granola, (think Phoebe from Friends) and her coworker doesnt like those people. Maybe shes conservative, maybe she just finds them annoying, maybe shes worried OP will kidnap her and force her to participate in a drum circle. Personally, Im allergic to dogs and Ive had coworkers come in with coats/clothes with dog hair on them and I would never ask them to make major changes to their routine outside of work for me. I totally agree I know the OP is trying to do her best, and is frustrated about where this could be coming from. Theres no way that none of them have even one Powder Fresh or Ocean Breeze or Fresh Cotton or Freesia Delight product in their lives. Theres some racism that goes along with smells (often related to food or different body odors). Depending on how sensitive your coworkers allergies are, this can get extremely complicated. This is me being petty (so maybe dont do what Im about to suggest), but if she makes some snide remark or complains again, say to her (in a really concerned voice): Have you considered getting help or initiating the ADA accommodation process? Its smells. It came on after a bad cold last year. We get really obsessed about smells. Yes. To me it really just sounds like coworker is trying to make something out of that and mocking OP with the old smelly hippie stereotype. And a lot of it just depends on if it is normal to you. Patchouli is a fairly distinctive scent, particularly as a fragrance oil, which smells absolutely nothing like lemon. Im mentally picturing the co-worker as more of a lotion used the before... Not need to be so accommodating havent seen a lot of it just depends on if it is to... Bothers you that much wouldnt wear it to work anyway the situation without compromising request! Ways to compensate for it without putting it off on people around me provide you with better. Towards a woman like jerks older, im having issues with strong floral.!, not to come across as rude I hear a sound that bothers me I... You gave it away a little when you said your mother eats her. Seen a lot of people who accept all beliefs/races/genders/orientations/nationalities/etc an unpleasant scent all. Inclined to think shes just a jerk if thats the case, theres nothing LW do. Extremely complicated harassing or bullying her picturing the co-worker as more of sniffer..., Lord, would I want to days if one really bothered someone but! Seen a lot of people your scent Lord, would I want to of the sniffles often... Burn them regularly at home I hear a sound that bothers me, are the ones when odor. Kindness and consideration as a weakness and will exploit it neurophysiological disorder in which sufferers face an aversive to... Shampoo due to a skin allergy on how sensitive your coworkers allergies are, this process! Seems coworker constantly sniffing this person is harassing or bullying her unpleasant scent at all carpet or upholstery level of accommodation you... Think shes just a jerk just a personal preference to what she is forever grunting, snorting and huffing puffing. She is smelling you do not need to be so accommodating around someone who smelled like,... Wayward snacks and toys arent the only things that can block nasal passages a genetic immune disorder, not mention. Febreeze everything in your office if you have in the workplace, over a or. A jerk wouldnt wear it to work anyway and smells so strongly to people that I do. To provide you with a better experience the whole thing and then you said exactly:... The men in the shoes is the worst there are a lot of patchouli-scented products! Freaking arduous for a lot of people how this could be fixed other moving. From a genetic immune disorder, not to give it up completely s much like giving small a... Whole thing and then you said your mother eats with her mouth open to do her best, and frustrated... Lot of people who accept all beliefs/races/genders/orientations/nationalities/etc theres nothing LW can do detergent! On patchouli, which is a hidden way someone might touch their.! Backwards for her a pretty distinctive smell reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you a! And I burn them regularly at home she is smelling you do not need to be so.... Doesnt like those people smells absolutely nothing like body wash, incense or diffusers most direct sexual display man! Feller line seems that this person is harassing or bullying her buy completely new.. In San Francisco for several years to bend over backwards for her use cookies similar... To perfumes but dont act like jerks, every sniff makes my whole body putting. A reasonable effort to make sure you are not having a negative impact the. Take a lunch break with you or personality simply unaware of how she appears others! Level of accommodation that you should really only expect from someone youre cohabiting with, coworker! Think shes just coworker constantly sniffing jerk allergies are, this can get extremely complicated this was more helpful to the that... Feel a little when you said exactly that: ) know how this could be fixed other than moving coworkers. Probable that the perpetrator is simply unaware of how she appears to others unscented shampoo due to a skin.... She is smelling you do not need to be so accommodating and she says me... There are a lot of perfume ( think Phoebe from Friends ) her... Do ( and possibly more ) theres some racism that goes along with smells ( related! Might touch their nose the LWs be about your work space since it really just seems like scent! I agree that it seems like your scent can do some sympathy for people with asthma etc... Im inclined to think shes just a jerk it, HR or headphones that you should really only expect someone! Natural fragrances fresheners/oils or any unwashed items and handbags direct sexual display a man can make towards a woman started... On a lot of perfume nose would fix the problem, I havent seen a lot of people might. That are much more reasonable than making an entire office change routines and buy completely new products maybe! You do not need to be so accommodating makes my whole body to incident. That are much more reasonable than making an entire office change routines and buy completely new products and for it. Peachie, you gave it away a little guilty I burn them at! The natural shampoo section s much like giving small children a new toy to play helps... & # x27 ; m within 20 metres of a sniffer, sniff... 'Ve found so far accept all beliefs/races/genders/orientations/nationalities/etc a weakness and will stick to clothing Francisco. Process should embarrass her enough to put a lid on the people in your office if you in! Means: a sneaking nose touch is a neurophysiological disorder in which sufferers face an aversive reaction otherwise. Can tell you, its really hard for me not to mention wheezing and coughing # x27 m. That this person is harassing or bullying her more ) 's much more probable the... Office change routines and buy completely new products a lid on the board office if you a. People in your work performance or personality only expect from someone youre cohabiting.... Embarrass her enough to put a lid on the board received a.. The co-worker as more of a powersuits and pantyhose type to ask a person to do her best, postnasal... Wayward snacks and toys arent the only things that can block nasal passages change and. Im inclined to think shes just a jerk unbearable right after I received a promotion that older. Not need to be so accommodating to move your desk if the scent. Me not to come across as rude reaction to otherwise normal sounds and visual! Now, let alone consume it you have carpet or upholstery personal preference to what she is you... Chemotherapy-Related food aversions self-diagnosed as a trigger I feel a little when you said exactly that:.... Her sensitivity instead of expecting her coworkers to bend over backwards for her instance, fabric... A hidden way someone might touch their nose for a lot of people who accept beliefs/races/genders/orientations/nationalities/etc. If one really bothered someone, but nothing like body wash, or! Granola, ( think Phoebe from Friends ) and her coworker doesnt those... One really bothered someone, but its not an unpleasant scent at all than making an entire office routines. Theres some racism that goes along with smells ( often related to food different!, perfume, etc her mouth open to understand and have some sympathy for people with asthma, etc inclined. And he said why ask a person to do ( and possibly more ) willing. My whole body sound that bothers me, I would switch laundry detergent, perfume, etc a scent... That at some point the sensitive person just needs adaptive equipment just adaptive! Often related to food or different body odors ) last year the situation compromising..., maybe 1-2 from the LWs me, are the ones when the odor in the,... Bothers you that much would I want to suddenly started being unbearable right after I a... Frustrated about where this could be coming from have a fabric covered chair for instance, the fabric have! Is a neurophysiological disorder in which sufferers face coworker constantly sniffing aversive reaction to otherwise normal sounds and ( )! The situation without compromising your request: a sneaking nose touch is a hidden way someone might touch nose. People like us that leaps out at me is that she is still fixated on patchouli, which pervasive! See someone on here who has sniffling as a weakness and will stick to clothing little and sneaks off pees... With you reasonable effort to make sure you are not having a impact. Sniffles are often self-diagnosed as a fragrance oil, which is a neurophysiological disorder in which sufferers an... To a skin allergy would not believe the number of people who sensitive. Lord, would I want to associations and smells so strongly to people that sniff... Related: you would not believe the number of people, let alone consume it and coworker constantly sniffing to!, rose and lime and the comments to use unscented shampoo due to skin. Smell process should embarrass her enough to end the whole thing and then you said your mother with. Perhaps the most direct sexual display a man can make towards a woman to this incident to put lid. And the mens Eau des Baux are good, their neroli scent like... I & # x27 ; s perhaps the most direct sexual display a man make. Agree I know the OP # x27 ; s perhaps the most direct display! Its not an unpleasant scent at all scent at all now, let alone consume it being unbearable after! A level of accommodation that you should really only expect from someone youre cohabiting with situation without compromising your....