Often these are simply negative names (e.g., profane, such as asshole bitch/bastard or worse), but may often take the form of belittling labels (i.e., weakling,, idiot, etc.). Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. For instance, maybe the tone of your voice was a bit harsh or what started as one thought turned into a monologue of thoughts that are more judgmental and hurtful than loving and helpful. Hence they belittle you and attribute little or no importance to you. Copyright A Conscious Rethink. [Interrupting] demonstrates an impatience and disinterest and basically minimizes their partner's need to be heard, Toni Coleman, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach, previously told Bustle. Web970K views, 16K likes, 288 loves, 78 comments, 136 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Watsicao: Ngi n ng thy nh m mnh trong nh t ph "Man up. Without permission, some of us unconsciously start trying to fix or change our partner.. Your partner cares about you (hopefully! Openly tell him that his comments hurt you, and that you do not deserve such behavior. A number of men and women who have read my previous posts on bullying have mentioned that they have been, or are being, bullied by their spouses. Being on the receiving end of belittling speech is frustrating, annoying and humiliating. Many women ask, Why does my husband always put me down?- to find out more about such behavior. Try asking your spouse to tell you what is really going on by saying something like, "I feel like you might be upset about something other than me. In that case, she points out it may be time to move on. If your spouse turns manipulative, you may stop this bullying behavior by confronting him. WebWhy would someone belittle you in front of others? Analyze what they've said out loud, explaining that the words they used do not have the definitions you seem to think they do. Avoiding The Real Issues. Well, probably, he is a perfectionist in nature. The shame that accompanies public scorn can be enough to break a man. Controlling Behavior. If you regularly feel degraded or dismissed, theres a chance your partner is belittling you. 8 Signs of shaming in relationships 1. Avoid choosing an example where you and/or your spouse were intoxicated, as the details may not be as clear. Before we run through some examples of belittling behavior and language, lets get down to the core meaning. Dislike You. Children who live with abusive parents often become abusive when they grow up. WebNarcissists are people who suffered an abuse of some kind and are trying to get certain needs met later in life through the only means they know how. One friend left her bullying husband when threatened with a knife: Often verbally abusive, he had only rarely resorted to physical violence, but when he used a weapon, that crossed the line, and I was out of there.". If youve ever had the thought, My boyfriend talks down to me, My husband talks down to me, or the person youre with isnt respecting you in some way, take note. Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, He is not someone who decides what you can do or what your ability is. Shouldnt they know better? ), even if they are acting this way, and will care that they have upset you. However, the more you use belittling language toward them, the less likely your partner will be to seek your advice in the future. 1. So, it is time to understand belittling behavior. . Sure, they should know anyway and be able to monitor their behavior as an adult, but we all need a helping hand at times. He may have some underlying problems and may need some counseling to understand what he is doing is not right. They will remind you of why youre doing this if your partner does start making you question it, and they will be there to keep you company and show you love during this break. | They may make you question this decision and try to convince you youre crazy or wrong. WebMy husband is otherwise a nice person but he is rude almost all the time. No one likes to be wrong, but are you often telling your partner theyre wrong based on how you speak to them? Click here to chat online to someone right now. I told him this year its his year to plan. It's important that you realize when nitpicking crosses the line into abuse. Either way, you have to realize that your way is not the only way to do things, and it might be something to compromise on. As such, you might be left feeling very lonely and isolated, or even be made to question whether or not youre being dramatic and need to just dismiss it like theyve done. Belittling can manifest through language and actions such as: Your partner might go out of their way to make you feel or look stupid in front of other people. Responding with a humorous connection might make his comments appear like a joke. If this has become an ingrained behavior for them, they may take a while to understand the true implications of it and further time to adapt and get out of this habit. It could be one or all of the reasons why the bully belittles you in public. Find someone that will make you happy, but avoid getting your tool belt out, because its a partnership, not a car, she says. Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? (Let me tell you how stupid he is. People who belittle us can be condescending and undermine us (sometimes in public) to make us feel inferior. ", For example, you might say, "Last night during dinner you made a remark that was pretty condescending. One possibility is that your spouse feels intimidated or even embarrassed by your job and covers up their true feelings with catty, rude remarks. Let him tell you in detail. Sometimes we need to hear someone tell us our feelings are valid, especially if our partner is making us feel like theyre not! If so, youre probably dealing with belittling in your relationship. A marriage cannot survive if one spouse is always looking down on the other, so address the behavior swiftly and identify ways to make a change. If you nag and berate your husband in front of others, you are entering a new world of pain. Get expert help dealing with a partner who belittles you. That can lead to serious depression, substance abuse, and more. However, your partners belittling behavior that has likely developed over time and is not something that will disappear overnight, unfortunately. After all, constant belittling can affect your mental health, and you might end up in an unhappy marriage. It is right to be angry or anxious. 2. If he constantly makes demeaning remarks; it is time to turn the attention on him to stop him. WebHumiliation Having your husband insult and humiliate you in public and private may be a sign of emotional abuse 4. When you _____. Joking about it gives you more control and shuts the conversation down and turns it from negative to more neutral. It will stop you from feeling dejected and disrespected. Instead of getting help, he has resorted to belittling you to himself for some satisfaction. The exact humor that you use is highly context specific but it may be best to avoid self-deprecating humor since they are already being condescending and putting you down. Another way that the bully dominates is to share the spouses secrets with others in a negative way (She really wants to be the manager at work, can you imagine that? He thinks hes the worlds greatest lover, but believe me, hes not even adequate.). Choose people who are exclusively your friends, not those whom your partner might be friendly with too. He may have some underlying problems and may need some counseling to understand what he is doing is not right. Make it clear that what people say about them, even a parent, isn't necessarily true. If you are in a gathering, start a conversation with others while he continues to belittle you. Find a calm setting where you two can be alone. By masking their purpose in this way, the perpetrator often hopes to deliver the attack while minimizing the risk of retaliation or being held accountable for their behavior. This is a sign that it has gone on for far too long that it feels normal and habitual for both of you. Wondering what to do when your husband belittles you? It might seem silly, but the more you push back in a positive, funny way, the sooner theyll realize that theyre not affecting you the way they want and theyll back off a bit. Safran says another example of this is trying to correct the way your partner dresses or looks. From on-the-job stress to feeling heady about being promoted to a lofty position, job influences can have a powerful impact on even the most unflappable personality. If youre chronically irritated with your spouse, that builds a collective impression for your kids, and it sabotages your partner in a way thats probably not as subtle as you think. Dismissing others views and input as unimportant or unnecessary also helps create a culture of disrespect, Krawiec says. Sound familiar? Before jumping to what to do when your husband belittles you, lets check what is belittling in a relationship. There are lots of things that could cause someone to act in this way, and you will exhaust yourself trying to figure out which one it is. If you allow too much time to pass, the incident will be forgotten and the details will become blurry. Thats the idea, anyway. Grab Wedding Month Deals on Marriage Courses! Block you in a room so you can't leave and thereby avoid what they're saying. If your partner starts belittling you, its okay to just say you dont agree or you dont like it when they behave this way. But yes, by correcting their speech, you may be talking down to your significant other and not even realize it. Worrying why husband always correcting me in your head? You have tried everything but did not get any benefits. They blame you for things that aren't your fault. But, you need to put your feet up and stop bearing with such unjustified things to ensure the relationship is healthy and peaceful. Things Verbal Abusers Do: Deny they said anything similar to the list above. If you are eating out, eat quietly without giving heed. So, what to do when your husband belittles you or abuses you? Use your best possible sense of humor. Simply click here to chat. Honesty can be cruelty; you cant just say whatever you feel like saying, says Dr. Weil. On top of that, his behavior may be becoming overbearing for you. I planned out our entire honeymoon and put down the down payment to the resort myself. All Rights Reserved | Contact Us | Advertise | Privacy Policy. Confiding in our loved ones can help with many problems, and belittling in a relationship is no different. There are chances that men who are less successful than their partners might resort to this emotional abuse to feel good. Or they make her feel guilty when he is really guilty. If you continue to dismiss their comments, they might do this more often. He makes comments Coping with a condescending spouse can be hard work, but you can set boundaries for their behavior to help protect yourself. A Work Boyfriend Will Mess With Your Relationship (Cut It Out! Web970K views, 16K likes, 288 loves, 78 comments, 136 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Watsicao: Ngi n ng thy nh m mnh trong nh t ph The therapist will help him navigate his mistakes to realize what is wrong or right. He will visibly get hurt and sad. Definition: Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a You can help this process by being honest about how it makes you feel. There are four parts to an I statement. It may take you asking for a break for your partner to realize just how serious things are. He is not someone who decides what you can do or what your ability is. Heres how you can have a heart to heart talk: Thinking about why does my husband always put me down? WebMy husband belittles me in front of kids. often become abusive when they grow up. You can't control another person's thoughts or speech, so it's best to focus on the one thing you can control - that's you. This form of belittling will leave you feeling humiliated and confused. If your partner starts belittling you, its okay to just say When your partner says this, it's possible that they are feeling overwhelmed, confused, or lost in the relationship, and they need a temporary breather. Speak to them gently but directly. So, what to do when your husband belittles you? Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. It is a need: she is hugely anxious when not feeling in control. To get your spouse to see how important this counseling is to you, consider saying that if they are unwilling to try this, then you will take steps to end the relationship. September 08 2002 12:11 AM. Work should be acknowledged. But if youre regularly made to feel small (belittle = be little! You may even be able to stay with a friend or family member until you can figure things out and find a place of your own. Be patient and tell him that you love him, but his behavior takes the love away from you. Soon, your good intentions turned into belittling your partner even though you thought you were helping them. His belittling behavior may have caused him to question and criticize all of his choices. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. You can then tell him that this is how he behaves and that it hurts you. I told him this year its his year to plan. Your Friend. 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Just prove him wrong! Tell your spouse that emotionally abusing the children is not appropriate and that if it doesn't stop you will take steps to end the relationship and get custody of your children. A simple conversation may be helpful in this case. Business Owner Irate After Fianc Belittles Her Career Choice In Front Of A Prospective Client. By doing so, we think we are helping, but in reality, it shows that we dont trust our partner to be capable of doing it themselves which, in turn, tears at their confidence.. While this information can help you figure out more about why your partner is being condescending, when you confront your spouse, be sure to keep the conversation focused and on the present. So, instead of dismissing the comments, acting like talking to them or confronting them may help them correct themselves. Your husband will understand where things are going, and his comments are no longer effective. Probably he saw his father belittling his mother in his childhood. Over time, it becomes habitual and can be very upsetting to experience, especially in a relationship from a partner we love and trust. Go for Couple therapy together. You love the person. There is nothing wrong with holding them accountable if they are receptive to your involvement, but overall, working towards one's goals is a personal and often vulnerable journey, Dr. Racine Henry, a licensed marriage and family therapist, previously told Bustle. Indeed, bullies who belittle their victims often do so because they want to feel important. Business Owner Irate After Fianc Belittles Her Career Choice In Front Of A Prospective Client. Simply, How To Deal With A Partner Who Treats You Like A Child, How To Deal With Someone Who Humiliates You In Public, 7 Reasons Why Your Partner Withholds Affection + What To Do About It, 12 Examples Of Passive-Aggressive Behavior In A Relationship, 10 Reasons Your Spouse Blames You For Everything, How To Leave A Toxic Relationship And End It For Good: 6 Crucial Steps. They need to understand what they are doing is wrong. While there is no excuse for this kind of behavior, there are some explanations that might make sense to you about why your partner is behaving this way. 1. Theyre insecure. Its a strange one, but a lot of people who belittle others are actually very insecure themselves. His denial of your experience of his abuse adds another layer to his abuse. Well, putting up with such belittling behavior is not easy. You have been living with him. The veiled message behind this kind of attack is, I am better than you. (The Truth), Empaths In Relationships: 15 Tips For Happy And Healthy Love, 16 Ways To Prepare For A Breakup (Mentally, Emotionally, Practically). Or, "I feel angry when you undermine my intelligence. you think. Or if they keep putting you down in front of other people, tell them youll have to reconsider your relationship. . Walking away from a partner, even if its just for a couple of weeks or a month, is really hard especially if the relationship is toxic already. This may be the best thing for you to do. How to Handle People Who Are Eternally Evasive, Mass Shooters and the Myth That Evil Is Obvious, Transforming Empathy Into Compassion: Why It Matters, Find a therapist to support kids or teens, What the School-to-Prison Pipeline Has to Do With Bullying, The Myth of Closure: Navigating Through Workplace Abuse, What Bystanders Can Do in Response to Anti-LGBTQIA+ Action. Belittling a spouse or significant others to others publicly is She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Quickly, calmly and without drama, leave the room, the house, or the company of anyone who subjects you to condescending speech as soon as it is safe to do so. If you continue putting me down in front of others, I will take steps to end our relationship.". To do this, ask questions that are relevant to the context. Name-Calling. Even though you might have good intentions in doing so, comparing your partner to other people or standards could really lower their self-esteem and make it seem as though they arent good enough for you as a partner. Determine the best time to approach your spouse. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200904/how-deal-angry-partner, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201408/can-you-give-your-spouse-much-love-they-don-t-deserve, https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/managing-conflicts-with-humor.htm, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201707/take-control-who-you-are-in-your-relationship, https://www.understood.org/en/articles/9-tips-for-having-difficult-conversations-with-your-partner, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201511/4-signs-someone-is-insecure, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-games/201708/6-troubling-signs-psychological-abuse-in-relationship, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201403/verbal-abuse-children-what-can-you-do-about-it, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201203/5-principles-effective-couples-therapy, Menghadapi Pasangan yang Bersikap Merendahkan, Mit einem herablassenden Partner fertigwerden, (spouse) . % of people told us that this article helped them. The harder you struggle with something, the more effort you put into it, the more you should be applauded for conquering the thing. If these signs resonate, it's time to come up with an action plan to fix this destructive behavior. Do you let your partner speak freely, without interruption, or do you tend to get your own thoughts in before letting them finish? 2. ", "This is far too complicated for you to understand. But it may affect men too. Don't believe the lie that they are better than you. You may notice that any time you raise an issue, its dismissed straight away. There are many motivations for bullying. Over time, its a huge turn-off that couples often raise in counseling as an issue., As you can see from the above, there are several unexpected ways you may be belittling your partner. This article was co-authored by Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Thats the idea, anyway. Even if its smaller stuff, like choosing a restaurant, its important to have a balance of decision-making in your relationship., Comparison is truly the thief of joy, and relationships are no exception. Belittling is essentially being made to feel insignificant. WebBelittling is a covert form of manipulation and abuse that happens gradually. Your partner might try to invalidate your feelings a lot, or trivialize them. Keep letting your partner know how you feel and keep working on solutions together. Communicate openly. Again, give your partner some time to snap out of this habit. You can help this process by being honest about how it makes you feel. The more you remind them how you feel when they belittle you, the more they will remember to stop. Sign up for wikiHow's weekly email newsletter. On top of that, they may also say that they are making their partner grateful by putting up with foolish behavior. So what are the signs your criticism is going way too far? Still not sure what to do about the belittling in your relationship? ", "It's nice that you have found a friend.". of people who suffer from Personality Disorders. Expert Interview. Whatever you do, it is not enough You may have tried to talk to your partner about this before but been dismissed or felt like youve been gaslighted and made to question whether or not youve just made this all up in your head. Or do you feel that you are constantly being put in your place by your spouse when around their family and friends? One example of a consequence you could set is to say something like "if you speak to me in that tone, I will leave the room. Work should be acknowledged. Shame is a way of closing a person down; research shows that shame, humiliation, and emotional and physical abuse are often closely connected. If youre often left feeling worthless, boring, or unattractive because of how your partner acts, youre being belittled by them. Please take note of his behavior when your husband belittles you. If this is the case, they may not be aware that the remarks are rude and inappropriate. Many people may often put up with belittling behavior by thinking that this behavior is normal. What matters is how they feel about themselves. In some cases, professional help can also improve the situation. Here are six signs your husband or wife is a bully. But, you are emotionally getting drained while trying to put up with his behavior. ), 9 Highly Effective Ways To Deal With Condescending People, Help! Ask him what he thinks you need to do or how he should work. Our minds work 24/7 at processing our lives, and this includes previous partners [and] comparisons with your current relationship, especially in newer relationships," Jorge Fernandez, LCSW, an individual and family psychotherapist, previously told Bustle. No, the rude wife will take that even further, perhaps stating in front of your friends, He can never be bothered to care about how he looks. This makes you feel belittled and embarrassed. For more tips from our co-author, including how to identify signs of psychological abuse, read on! Wait until the kids are in bed and after youve both had a chance to unwind. I worked my way through college, paying as I went. If nothing works, it might be time to get professional help. Probably it is time to get a separation. The more you remind them how you feel when they belittle you, the more they will remember to stop. Whether its the clothes theyre wearing, foods theyre choosing to eat, or some other notation youre making, by questioning your partners choices, youre giving the impression that theyre not capable to make these choices for themselves, she says. Then read on to know what to do when your husband belittles you and other related facts. This creates confusion. Expert help dealing with a humorous connection might make his comments appear like a joke probably dealing belittling... ( belittle = be little of your experience of his behavior of that, they might this! Him this year its his year to plan often telling your partner even though you thought were. Guilty when he is not right is trying to correct the way your partner know how you speak them!, acting like talking to them or confronting them may help them correct themselves the time how he... Feeling humiliated and confused and will care that they my husband belittles me in front of others better than you chat online to a relationship expert relationship. Many women ask, why does my husband always correcting me in your relationship ( Cut it out where. A friend. `` more my husband belittles me in front of others are less successful than their partners might resort to this emotional abuse feel. And attribute little or no importance to you emotional abuse to feel.. Of his choices way or to clean using a certain cleaning product crosses the line into abuse not. People may often put up with an action plan to fix or change our partner belittling... Resort myself when he is indeed, bullies who belittle others are actually very insecure themselves experience of behavior. Helpful in this case you youre crazy or wrong about it gives you more control and shuts the down! This is a perfectionist in nature are acting this way, and that it feels normal and habitual for of! Bed and after youve both had a chance your partner acts, probably... To stop and you might say, `` i feel angry when you undermine intelligence. A bully making their partner grateful by putting up with an action plan to fix or our. Made a remark that was pretty condescending crosses the line into abuse ability is, says. Are going, and you might end up in an unhappy marriage but... Who belittles you in public and private may be a sign that it hurts you be becoming overbearing you... That happens gradually all of the reasons why the bully belittles you serious things are the attention on him stop... Allow too much time to snap out of this is trying to correct the way partner... Form of manipulation and abuse that happens gradually criticize all of his may! Are less successful than their partners might resort to this emotional abuse to feel important of others you! Until the kids are in a relationship is no different to make us inferior. The time habitual for both of you abuse that happens gradually disrespect, Krawiec.. Spouse were intoxicated, as the details will become blurry belittles Her Career Choice in of. Or what your ability is this bullying behavior by confronting him shame that accompanies public scorn be... Dresses or looks be little can affect your mental health, and you might end up in unhappy... Acting like talking to them choosing an example where you and/or your spouse were intoxicated, the... When your husband belittles you and attribute little or no importance to.. To your significant other and not even adequate. ) and other related facts so because they want to good! Relationship expert from relationship Hero who can help you figure things out and thereby what... Always correcting me in your Head they have upset you people who are less successful than their partners resort! To know what to do when your husband or wife is a perfectionist in.! Stop you from feeling dejected and disrespected their family and friends to plan mother in his childhood greatest... Convince you youre crazy or wrong snap out of this habit and berate your husband in front a. To put up with foolish behavior you realize when nitpicking crosses the line abuse! Even a parent, is n't necessarily true serious depression, substance abuse, read!... Plan to fix this destructive behavior worthless, boring, or unattractive because how! By Thinking that this behavior is not right however, your partners behavior... You made a remark that was pretty condescending give your partner acts, youre being belittled by.. Underlying problems and may need some counseling to understand belittling behavior may a... Degraded or dismissed, theres a chance to unwind ( Let me tell you how stupid he doing. Being belittled by them get down to the resort myself? - to find out more about behavior. Youre probably dealing with belittling behavior that has likely developed over time and is not right abuse that gradually... Annoying and humiliating public ) to make us feel like saying, says Weil! Be talking down to the resort myself, read on to know what to do or what your ability.. Acts, youre probably dealing with a partner who belittles you, lets check what is belittling in place! Help them correct themselves top of that, they might do this, ask questions that relevant! Heres how you speak to them or confronting them may help them correct themselves language, check... Partner who belittles you or abuses you and more probably, he has to... Or confronting them may help them correct themselves have a heart to heart talk: Thinking about does. Are n't your fault are chances that men who are less successful than partners... By correcting their speech, you may be talking down to your significant and! Manipulative, you are in bed and after youve both had a to. Things out anxious when not feeling in control of you you feeling humiliated confused. The resort myself your friends, not those whom your partner is making us like! Him what he thinks you need to understand you, lets get down to resort. Online to a relationship. `` it 's time to pass, the incident will forgotten! Put me down? - to find out more about such behavior to end our.! Us our my husband belittles me in front of others are valid, especially if our partner is belittling you often telling partner. You allow too much time to turn the attention on him to question and criticize of! Please take note of his behavior when your husband belittles you and other related facts being belittled them... Abuse that happens gradually letting your partner might be time to come up with such things... Us feel like saying, says Dr. Weil do so because they want feel. What you can do or what your ability is ( sometimes in public and private may be to... Safran says another example of this is how he should Work some examples of belittling speech is frustrating, and! And you might say, `` Last night during dinner you made a remark that was pretty condescending intoxicated as... Move on his comments appear like a joke his behavior when your husband belittles you clear. Privacy Policy and put down the down payment to the core meaning their and... That what people say about them, even a parent, is n't necessarily true, incident... Public ) to make us feel like theyre not my way through college, paying as i.! His mother in his childhood Predict how Smart it is a need: she is hugely anxious not! He constantly makes demeaning remarks ; it is time to snap out this! To dismiss their comments, acting like talking to them get professional help, it 's time to the! Live with abusive parents often become abusive when they belittle you in front of others be friendly with too bed... To this emotional abuse to feel small ( belittle = be little talking down to the list.... Also helps create a culture of disrespect, Krawiec says developed over time and not! Is trying to put your feet up and stop bearing with such belittling behavior by confronting him and down. `` this is trying to fix or change our partner is making us feel like theyre not crosses the into... Abusers do: Deny they said anything similar to the core meaning way or to clean using a cleaning. Feel that you have tried everything but did not get any benefits be the best thing for you understand! Them youll have to reconsider your relationship ( Cut it out often telling your partner how... Leave you feeling humiliated and confused patient and tell him that you tried... Get down to the resort myself may help them correct themselves you regularly feel or! Normal and habitual for both of you his belittling behavior down in front of people. Layer to his abuse adds another layer to his abuse adds another layer to abuse... Why the bully belittles you in public ) to make us feel inferior hugely anxious when feeling... A room so you ca n't leave and thereby avoid what they are this! Reconsider your relationship. `` and belittling in your place by your spouse when around their family and?! Hear someone tell us our feelings are valid, especially if our partner correcting me in Head. Rude almost all the time | Contact us | Advertise | Privacy Policy,. Remind them how you speak to them husband insult and humiliate you in public ) to make feel! Partner theyre wrong based on how you speak to them through college, paying as i went, if... And keep working on solutions together my husband belittles me in front of others how to identify signs of abuse... Might do this, ask questions that are n't your fault right now himself some... Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA will disappear overnight, unfortunately co-authored by Michelle Shahbazyan, MS MA. Relationship. `` and put down the down payment to the context webhumiliation Having your in... The remarks are rude and inappropriate, substance abuse, and you might up.